Sparrows song

Unspoken

I'm broken

I see things

are real. 

Im searching 

Can't find it 

Rewind it

It's there..

ooohh

The night comes swiftly as the bird in spring

Oohhh the wind blows softly as it does,

you sing.

I'm freezing.

Release me

Let me go, 

unknown

To find me,

to find me

To save me? oh.

Oooohh 

The night comes swiftly as the birds in spring

Oohh the wind blows softly as it does,

and you sing.

(Bridge)

Falling

sparrow's song

Falling sparrow's song

You sing.

To the night.

Falling sparrow's song 

Falling sparrow's song, 

You see,

I'm alright. 

I'm alright.

Ooooh.. Oooohhh...

Apparently a Pineapple will not cut itself

What once was

I remember 

How we use to drive around

and find junk on the side of the road.

You would take me to the thrift stores,

and find yourself some treasure. 

I was searching for a treasure

on the side of the road

at the thrift store

or at a yard sale.

I never found anything much,

but junk.

Perhaps I should have taken a clue,

from where your treasure lay,

as to what type of treasure you were,

just junk.

Playground

It's funny how people say life is a game.

I agree.

Love is a game, 

I can make you love me for who I am,

Rather, how I objectively view myself 

and guide you view me 

in the same way.

Just like charades. 

Guess who I am!? Guess!? No idea.

Work, can be a game, to get ahead.

To win. To die with the most shit.

Work is

the winning mans game. 

Win Win Win. Die. With the most shit.

You're still dead.

Happiness, 

people try to find it.

Like it's

hide-and-seek.

Find me!

Wait, I'm here, no, no, now, I'm over here!

Found me!

Gone away. 

To be found, 

again in something, 

or someone

different.

I can say that I don't know very much

about games people play,

thus far.

However, I have learned

a good deal 

about my own life, 

and what type of game it is.

For a very long time,

I only played Legos. 

Click and snap it together, 

The pieces that match in color.. 

Make shapes and make meaning of different size pieces.

Everything always had to be perfect,

Fit perfectly. 

Often times with Legos you must use other colors 

or compromise shape,

in order to finish your original idea.

Often times you lose you way 

in simply trying to finish.

Your original plan and shape and direction

and end up with something terribly ugly,

That you could have never ever imagined you

could have created, yourself.

I have struggled so very much

in my past

with fitting all the pieces into my Lego-land.

I have always tried to find the one thing to finish my project.

To make it complete.. 

And,

Yet,

The bin of Legos never ended.

There were always other things to add..

Until it became so cluttered I completely forgot

Why I started to play in the first place, 

I was left with a hideous mess.

Which could only be destroyed and rebuilt,

or used for other projects as scrap.

I can tell you 

about my own life

as Legos.

But it is my past.

Now, 

Now I try to live my life as tetris.

I like letting the pieces fall into place at a casual rate..

Slow, and sometimes, if necessary, faster.

There may be holes where the blocks do not always fit, 

and connect. 

Because there may be odd shapes,

Objects unexpected.

And that's okay. 

I can peer through those holes

in the bricks,

and see why I am playing in the first place.

I'll just smile and wave hello.

I feel as though I am playing a game of tetris,

without effort. 

All the pieces are all falling into place on their own.. 

I am still playing now.

I hold the controller it appears..

But it's easier. 

It's simple.

It seems as though I have found 

a style of play suiting for my soul.

I seem to be keeping up,

with the playground age games

of life.

Presidential Debate

So, I've been awaiting the debates for a while now. I enjoy immersing myself in the body language, chosen words, and snide comments that politicians make. I am well aware of the fact that John McCain had to be "prepped" to not let his temper make a fool out of him. But, if we, the general public, know about this temper he had to keep in check during the debate.. does it even matter that he didn't turn bright red and yell racial slurs at Barack? I think not. I am not supportive of the idea of someone with a temper running our country. Something that I came away from the debate feeling was how much McCain insists on refering to winning over losing so much. He had even run an ad in the Wall St. Journal claiming his victory in the debate, the morning of the actual debate! WTF? I mean, this man said he was not even going to be participating in the debate.. then he decided to.. then he claimed the victory for the debate before ever traveling by caravan to Oxford, Mississippi. Damn.

The people of our country need someone who they know is on their side. Someone who can list, dollar by dollar, where our tax money is being spent. Someone who "wants to grow the economy from the bottom up". Someone who supports early childhood education, not a spending freeze. No no no. We want someone with a vision. Someone who knows how many houses they own! Someone whose definition of middle class is accurate... The average American isn't doing very well right now. We now have the greatest gap between the rich and the poor since, well, since we were eating bread crusts and fetching water from wells in the back yard. 

I want a car that can run on water, not ozone destroying foreign economy supporting pollutants. I want to be able to go see my friends whenever I like and not worry about not being able to afford the gas it costs to get there! John McCain does not have any idea what it's like to be without. To lack even the simplest things because you cannot afford them. His wife is one of the richest women in our country. You think they lack for anything? NOPE..

We need healthcare. We need alternative energy, not for our kids, rather, for us. NOW. The time is NOW. I do not support nuclear plants. They produce nuclear waste, duh. That waste is going to end up somewhere. Nuclear plants are also very dangerous.. I mean, there are mutant animal species in Russia and acid rain.. I don't want that in my America. 

John McCain kept saying over and over that Barack "didn't quite get it" or "didn't know what he was talking about". Really? I think Barack Obama precisely gets "it". Whatever "it" is. He understands what the people of this country need. He understands what has gone totally wrong for the past 8+ years. In my opinion, John McCain is a pompous, rich, set-in-his-ways old white man. His best friends are in big oil. His lobbyists are all in big oil. These are his friends. I do not want someone else who is worried about their 'friends' in the white house. John McCain may have more literal time under his belt, but that does not make him more qualified. On the contrary, it makes him more influenced. I am going to vote for a vision. I am going to vote for someone who is motivated to change things. I am sick of our country and how much we consume. If only Barack was a vegetarian. Hmm...

Speeding

I was doing so well

in gear.

Then you came along and 

I was shown a different speed.

I shifted down for you,

I did.

I changed my perception and 

accepted something new.

Now,

now I wonder.

Why? For you? 

You weren't doing it for me. 

You were doing it for you.

Seeking the approval in me

that you so desperately seek within yourself. 

Why?

Now, here I am. 

A car without a clutch. 

I am grinding and trying and aching to shift back down

into the gear I was in

Before you influenced me to change and shift, 

for you.

It was all for you.

Not for me.

I am a car whose clutch is stuck 

I'm going no where now.

Just like we did,

Went absolutely no where.

I need a mechanic.

Music Lesson

Here's a note,

take a lesson

Write it down

Pay attention

I don't know

How I seem to find

People,

Who need to be fixed

And approved,

 inside.

Unbreakable and broken

I feel a tinge of sadness.

I am open and bleeding before you.

Right here. Right now.

I can feel my soul throbbing within me.

Quivering uncontrollably with fear, pain, and sorrow.

 

Why?

I can feel the heat, upon my face.

I can feel the soreness upon my body.

My eyes feel wet.

my hands feel cold.

But it doesn't do any damn good to feel

It doesn't do any damn good to bleed. 

It can just make me a fool.

My heart is lodged in my throat. 

I am trying not to vomit it out, 

away from me 

onto the muddy ground to be trampled upon 

by anyone else.

I want to fucking stop this. 

I don't want to be strong and brave.

Push me away quickly please!

Because,

I was happy in the land of sunshine, rainbows, and smiles and denial.

Now, I just feel angry and foolish. 

Exposed. 

Why?

I sigh 

and I let my innards lie on the table 

spread out for your taking. 

 

You may pick and choose what you would like.

Take all of me.

Put me in a jar, upon your shelf. 

I am yours.

I feel nothing but an echo of who I pretended to be.

I am living in complete self denial.

It's an ill feeling within me.

But it's joyous to die.

To be reborn anew.

To love when you are afraid. 

Why?

When my heart jumps out of my chest

The pain in my heart is beautiful. 

It is

the scab pulled back from the wound. 

Bloody and exposed and many years old.

To be open to you. 

To the air and the elements. 

But that's okay.. I tell myself.

Yeah, that's okay.

I want to throw myself against a wall

To stop from falling down.

To prove myself wrong.

I want to smash my face against the window

the one you can see out of.

To holt from the exposure.

I am about to trip and fall, 

For what seems like forever and

I don't know where down stops. 

But that's okay.. I tell myself.

Yeah, that's okay?

I am so scared and yet, so peaceful.

As the wind blows soft, then strong upon my face. 

Death is looming for his next victim.

I am here waiting for him. 

And also, For you.

To take me as your own. 

Because,

To love,

is simply dying to yourself

and for your love. 

Denial of your instincts and all thought and ego.

I don't understand why everything has to be so hard.

I don't understand why it has to be so complicated. 

I don't know why it's so hard. 

I am so frustrated and angry and confused. 

All at once these things hit me.

Like a massive mountain upon my chest. 

But that's okay.. I tell myself.

Yeah that's okay.

I try. 

You are you and I am me. 

Together we can be blissful.

I don't know how much better it could be.

It can't.

I get you

and you get me.

I am as strong as sand between your fingers.

When you have me.

I am open like a flower on the lake. 

I let all my cards show.

Don't you like my hand?

I know

I try to tell myself

It's okay to be this way.

Yeah, Ryan, that's okay.

On love

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

and to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

From "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran

Optimism

Like learning to skate or ride a bike all over again. 

I smile.

Monsters in the closet

I have heard that

They have eatin us to pieces..

My heart lies somewhere within my stomach. 

And I am hungry.

I have had a few critters chew me up inside

and I have nothing left to hide.

You can chew your own hide

and Die at the dinner table.

 

But what will be,

will be.

It is all up to me.

I can be around 

It is all up to me..

I can finally see..

I am no longer 

blinded!