Unbreakable and broken

I feel a tinge of sadness.

I am open and bleeding before you.

Right here. Right now.

I can feel my soul throbbing within me.

Quivering uncontrollably with fear, pain, and sorrow.

 

Why?

I can feel the heat, upon my face.

I can feel the soreness upon my body.

My eyes feel wet.

my hands feel cold.

But it doesn't do any damn good to feel

It doesn't do any damn good to bleed. 

It can just make me a fool.

My heart is lodged in my throat. 

I am trying not to vomit it out, 

away from me 

onto the muddy ground to be trampled upon 

by anyone else.

I want to fucking stop this. 

I don't want to be strong and brave.

Push me away quickly please!

Because,

I was happy in the land of sunshine, rainbows, and smiles and denial.

Now, I just feel angry and foolish. 

Exposed. 

Why?

I sigh 

and I let my innards lie on the table 

spread out for your taking. 

 

You may pick and choose what you would like.

Take all of me.

Put me in a jar, upon your shelf. 

I am yours.

I feel nothing but an echo of who I pretended to be.

I am living in complete self denial.

It's an ill feeling within me.

But it's joyous to die.

To be reborn anew.

To love when you are afraid. 

Why?